Tick tick.... Was it that long ago?

Hi guys, hi fellas, Ive not have the time to scratch here for some time. Until that sumthing reminded me how long it has been. My Back is in pain again..... Weeee! This only means I have been pushing myself a little bit too hard. How hard could it get eh? What am I pushing my self so hard to achieve? Last time I had this much back pain, it took me serious time and discipline to get me up and running again. I remember how I got through it, but I forgot how I got into it. So if I recalled last time I had this was because I was pushing to get a journal publish. Well I achieved that, but frankly speaking, not much use has come from such pain staking hardship that I can sit back and say its worth it.....

But maybe not this time. This time its a far modest target, to built a family, it will be worth it. Start on the right foot, even though that my back is breaking today, I know it just means I have to adjust my burden and use effective force and pressure to hold the things I dear most, up high.

High in the sky,
high above my head,
Yet so close to heart,
I am not afraid to do the leg work,
The pay is so worth it.

Sacrifice is never easy,
But they will come some day if not today.
Shy out or keep on going?
Shy out is not my thing.

So bear this pain,
use the force,
Ill long for the day,
When I say,
I am yours....

3 months payslip!

Weee I made it! I have 3 months payslip already!!!! thats one of the requirements to get a loan! oh wait???? I had a vision of not taking any loans ever! hmmm so how to do? I know that the more you loan the more interest you pay.... Oh well I believe in living withing my means. And I intend to follow it.

A Capricorn is not interested in the show of wealth but wealth it self. Hmmmmm

Also there a popular malay saying taught to me from my mom..... "Ade dua jenis orang. Satu yang jadi kaya. Satu yang buat orang Jadi kaya!" hmmmm takle dua dua ker???? or nape kena jadi hanya satu? hehehhehehe

Oh well on the third month...... SPA called me for an interview. This is not something I planned. In short its an unexpected surprise. After talking to the people close to me... it turned out it could be a blessing in disguise. I have yet to see how its gonna be in my favor. But we'll see.

So far Ive checked my name is already expired in the SPA database. Then why the hell did I get this letter???????
Perplexing.... and puzzling! JPA out to HUNT ME?????? Oh hell no!

I think the Government is out to get me! ..... Argh why cant i run like in Japan.... when they police ask you anything in Japanese just answer.... "Watashi wa..... Nihongo wo TABEMASEN".... and they surely let you continue your journey....

Why? it literally translate as ... "I dont eat Japanese!" / "Bahasa saya tak boleh makan".... or the popular saying ... bahasa jepon saya tak boleh cari makan..... errr sumthing like that.... But hey it got me out of trouble more than once! kihkihkihh Artificial Idiot saves the day!

The Big Payoff - Journal of Advance Computational Intelligence and Intelligent Informatics

I have to mark this down as a Milestone achievement.

It may just be one paper. But you'd never know how much of a payoff it is to see it in black and white.

For those of you who are unfamiliar to Journal papers, its the papers which are recognized by specialist in that field. Which will chose from a large group of prospective authors.



I came back last night. Seeing the envelope on my desk. "From Japan" was what I saw. Ah it finally came. I was so eager to open it. But instead I told my mother, Mom this is a tribute for you. With out your moral support Id never be able to accomplish this at all. My mom looked at me and asked "What is it?". "Open it, its a one year struggle in Japan with all of the money that I have ever saved on, to get this work printed in black and white." I replied.

My sister asked me whats so special about this work? I told her that this.... paper was doubted by so many, close to me, undermining me. I sacrifice and focus on the research for one whole year, starved and stayed as long as I could in Japan. Just to get a shot at publishing this work in a journal. To some its not even thinkable. For a few pages of paper, spending thousands. Professors have to at least write papers in conferences and then hope that one of it gets into a journal. And that takes a long time.

But me? I just want one paper to be published. Let it be that I did one thing. But make it count.

The story started when I was back in japan, Feb 2007. I was interested on how machine learning was able to do some thing far more than what was expected of the robot. Did a few simple experiments and got some rough results.

This was quickly undermined by my senior saying its too easy. No one will ever take this and use it for anything, let alone be acknowledge in a Journal.

My boss also shared his negative views every time I wanted to go back after working late at night. See I was working at a convenience store. And they had some unbelievable schedule for me to come to work. I had no time. I wanted to push my research. I had no money to save for my masters but I believe that this work will push me for my masters. I took a gamble. Quit that part time job. As much as I needed the money for my future. I concentrated on research.

My senior pushed me to do several writeup to enforce his papers for an upcoming conference. It was in hong kong. Sure he got the funding to go and present. Coming back he wanted to write a new paper. Asked me if I can help. I did. And at the same time I pushed for my research to be sent also.

The Conference was next year, after graduations. Our lab sent 7 papers, 2 from PHD students, 4 from my senior, 1 from me. surprisingly most of it got accepted. With mine also one of them. I was surprised and happy. But the problem was, Im running out of money. Time was not on my side. I had to pay for my mistakes of not collecting enough money to last me in Japan.

I was force to leave my study only to hear that my paper was selected for presentation in the conference. One I really wanted to go to. But I cant, Im no longer in Japan. Back in Malaysia I sought means to get some funding even going to the goverment and the Universities. They were strict saying that the paper ment nothing. They refuse to fund me.

The conference came and I sat at home... in Malaysia pondering what happens.

My senior went to present his papers and also mine since I cant go there. When he returns he suddenly changed his whole opinion about my work. He was suddenly really interested in this one work. I asked him why?

According to him, The presentation received a huge crowd with interest in knowing more about it. And this has made him change his mind on the work it self. As a result of that conference, my paper got an invitation to the journal.

Today I check the list of papers accepted for the journal. It turns out only my paper was accepted! And not the other papers that my senior wrote :)
Im grateful that I am lucky enough to get a Journal paper with my first work, only paper in the conference and had been invited to the journal. Its by far a very big payoff to remind me that im redeemed for my efforts 2 yeas ago.

Those years were by far the hardest years of my life. And I am grateful that there so many kind characters who helped along the way. I may not be able to name each and every one of them and I hope Allah will bless them by lifting their burdens from their shoulders.

The moral that I learned is that perseverance will make it through! And no matter what people say, do what you believe is right. You will get the big payoff when you least expected it. All I can say is... REVENGE IS SWEET!!! hehehhehehe

http://www.fujipress.jp/JACIII/JACII00130003.html - the website
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAroMA4PUMo&feature=channel_page - the vid

Thank you all for your support ;)

First day As an Engineer

After some tight interviews and tired of explaining what it is I do best while I was studying, I finally got the confirmation of the post last Friday. I manage to ask them to consider me coming late after lunch, and it turned out my boss was taking a leave anyway. So I wasn't briefed at all what am I going to improve. But I guess thats for tomorrow. How ever I have worked out a propable flow from Kajang to my office. Its hard but I think I can make it :) Discipline is the key. Thats what I believe in.

I hope this time im not gonna sacrifice any thing more than some time. The rest I hope to gain and maintain. Im really2 happy to have her in my life, to have a job, and soon to built my family. Life as we know it is only worth the effort when we are happy. If we are unhappy, its no life. And How do you kill some one that has.... No life?

As a summary for today, I drive one hour to Wangsa Maju and back. At the end of the week, Ill have my sweetheart waiting to see me. Its worth the trouble :) I want the honey to pass the time. And im not lazy to work for it.

Ill see how Ill survive and strive this job.

My life is going to change Phase 3

This whole month, Love is in the air :p n I love it! So what does that have to do with my life changing? Big things are happening and things are "falling into place". Yesterday, the interview wasnt so hopeful, so its okay. I spent the moment after that to value my present with my significant other. So I spent it all, coz Im never sure about the future. Let God decide. Thats what I was doing and thats what Im going to continue doing.

Today I wake up fresh and drank my morning milo, read the newspaper, its been like a whole month of darkness. Drama in politics, the economy and reading the numbers of people who got retrenched. Not knowing how important today's interview is. I got my self ready. The funny thing is.... every day is a brand new day. I slip in the same shoes as I put on yesterday, felt something different in my left shoe... thinking it was my old socks.... I place my hand to grab it out. To my surprise! Its a frog! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww The cold blooded frog was like a slime! i threw the shoe to the ground... washed my hands and look at my watch... I have no time!
Now since I am running out of time.... I have to battle a frog for my shoe! Yeah right *sarcastic* but I manage to get the frog out and soon I see the cats are ready for their meal and frogs were on their menu. Good Luck froggy!

Got my shoe and drove to the interview! hehehe and now I got the job! Wee in this time of uncertain economic situations, I could still get a job. I consider that fortunate. Thank God its a post I wanted.
Syukur.....
And that frog might have been a test to see how I handle unexpected surprises.

All niter?

Well today was a long day. I knew I started early, but some how, I dont think 24 hours is enough for a day. I haven't touched my research material in days. I did do some reading, but that isnt enough. Theory aint practice.

So how do I juggle my days? Seems my week has already been pack even before I started. I ask my self why? Is it because I want to? or Is it because I have to? Money is the root of all evil. But some times I do things for free, just to plant seeds in hopes one day it would be a tree of gold? Men dreams of ridiculous fantasies. Life is hard. Who you mingle are all choices you make.

Some times we make bad choices. And that would take years to fix. But a second to avoid. I dont know. Its 6 AM and I havent slept. Im afraid I might have to go through this again next month, and the months after that. Until when I ask? Until I dont have to do it no more. Im tired. Im the conflict of the heart is some thing I could be assured of, to me thats the one thing for escape for the time being.

Do stuff with out asking anything in return. May God (Allah) be the one to repay my efforts. At least it comes in a combo of 1 and 7. One now, 7 later. :) A business that will never fail.

My life is going to change, Phase 1

This whole week, So much good fortune has been knocking on my door. Its like some times I dont know which to let in. All I can say is as a host, I would welcome my guess in as long as there is space to spare.

Yesterday, I met my best friend since I was 6 years old. I havent met him in 6 years also. Boy did we had a long time to catch up. He's always been my wing man. No kidding. We were the only two boys on the block and we did everything together. Climb walls, played boomerangs, and fly kites.

He saw the neighborhood change a lot. He even asked who house was up on the hill that block our old playground. Then he asked me ... "remember the time we had to pick up the boomerang at our neighbors house? I didnt get why he talked like he wanted to kill us". I look at him "Well you do know in Australia a boomerang is considered a weapon? Its no surpise he was threated when a boomerang crash his house!". And my typical friend would reply as he always did, "Oh yeah......thats why".

Tomorrow, Ill get a chance to see if I do have what it takes to be an engineer. Work in a Metropolitan place like KL. The Jams, The tolls and worse the heat. I hope I pass the second interview. The place is a nice place to settle down they say. Means its not a gold mine. But I think thats why I wanted to work there in the first place. Money ranks second to self satisfaction.

Now I began to calculate my propabilities on my future for 1 year, 2 years, 5 years and even 10. It seems now, I have to chose where I would live if I do seal the deal. Im trying to triangulate things according to my priority, market availability and future potentials. All I can say is, Im just laying out all the possibilities and looking at Which and whom be the best I invest it for the rest of my life. Work will change, traffic will be the same, money will come and go. But people who are with you, will be with you, and will be most important to you never change.

Ill stick to my beliefe that make things easy for others, and God will make things easy for you.

Good night.

Mark this day... from now on know that the wind will not be in favour.... the waves bigger than ever and my ship may not float forever!

Mark this day... from now on know that the wind will not be in favour.... the waves bigger than ever and my ship may not float forever! But I dare them to come and sink my will!

Today 18th April 2007. Will be a day I shall reset ... reset the hard ship of things to come.

Let me say a journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. Let it be my right foot. For today onwards come the greatest test in my life. For now one I am going on a roller coaster ride where Im at the top and what comes next is a sharp 3 seconds 85 degrees drop... but all the twist and turns the G pullings and sharp drops will be a ride of life... speed is what makes it trough the loops and curves....

Any way I start today, Alone. Single and untied. but when I come out ... Ill have a nation worth of experience. A Nobel prize to bump into ... and A family supporting fully my effort to bring my nation to the eye of the world.... *ecececece Cakap berapi!* but thats a solemn dream that I have... I may not be rich ... nor a genius .. but I sure am capable in showing the world what my country is all about... We are skilled people and we are smart... smart enough to know that even USA is hunting DVD pirates ..hehehhehe but thats beside the point....

Im going to stay in hell for another 2 years after 2008. Yes Yoong im going to continue study here, My lab is a golden opportunity to study and like ive always said .. theres a chance ill stumble a nobel prize... im already in the right field... If i want it so much ... it might even be possible. Bout family? I have a family and they are fully supporting my decision. So who ever who doesn't I don't consider them on my side. All I know is I survived HELL, Ill go through it again and again if I have to. But one thing for sure... I want what I want. And right now I want to continue Masters here in Fukui under Artificial Intelligence.

A lot of thinking has been done.... a lot even more than you have imagined. But one thing for sure... my brother helped me make that decision. By talking to him teaching him all he needs to know ... common knowledge.... I felt some thing thats seems to be just right... I might be nobody, but what Ive learned isn't supposed to be thrown away in my mind... its about.... reaching out and passing the fiery orb ... and hope that along the way some one will pass that orb of light to some one else ... that even after I fade into time... the orb will still have some one holding it and passing it to some one else. Thats a true educators way of passing down knowledge. Maybe Im just born to do it. Maybe I was just born to be a third generation teacher, a second generation of lecturers, and maybe the first in my generation to get a Nobel prize. So much maybes that it might just be true.... a chance upon a chance... But its a chance none the less... Like the wise words of my late father...."If theres a chance it might happen, It will happen! A chance is better than none".

Now I maybe easy today, for the next two years I might see even bigger tidal waves up ahead... a year of no fundings ... and im prepared to sell my car thats no joke. Im prepared to go through hell and come out alive... Smile and say in the end.... "Nothing a man cant do...."

So Come what may! My ship has sailed ... Pirates Incoming, typhoons incoming, Tsunami incoming!..... Like I said the first weeks of AAJ.... "If it cost me my life..... I will not give up with out a fight" coz who the heck dies with out trying?

Words from my sister
"You are Unique and you deserve the best, I am more than happy that you are going to do your masters.... because... You might have made the right decision from the start for picking Artificial Intelligence".

my honest reply:
"The right Choice for the wrong reasons..... those were the words from a Nobel prize winner whom i had the chance to be in a lecture hall with in Nilai College. I may be on the right track from the start".

So lets see ... Im going for a dive... after this its gonna be loops and turns... Hard times to come... but once in my life.... I looking at the tracks of this roller coaster and saying "HOOOOOORAAAAAH!!!!!".

**************************************************
-15/01/09

I say what I mean and I meant what I said .....
It never goes as plan, but keep the spirit going....
Whats sad is Im no longer in Fukui .....

**************************************************

Happy Birthday me :) - day 4

The clock strike 12 and we were on the bus approaching Gambang. I check my phone to see if the phone was working. It was. then there must be sumthing wrong with it. Its so silent. I didn't wake up my mother or my brother beside me. They look sound asleep in the bus. I looked at the window outside. So calm and peaceful. Then I saw my birthday present from above.

A clear starry night! I saw Orion ontop of me, and thousands more stars filled the clear night sky. I knew its a natural delight made for me at the stroke of midnight. Said to myself, "Happy 25th birthday Indra".

When the bus stop at the R&R mother woke up. I wispered to her, "Your son is now 25 years old". She looked at the clock and smile ;) "Oh yeah happy birthday!". Alas, I had to remind my mother, but better late than never.

So it was my birth day and I planned not to make a big fuss about it at all. Since I am 25 years old... I do feel old. At one time some where when I entered my 20s I had a string of phone calls and smses as the clock strike 12. But know I understand that it wont happen again, its been 5 years since any of those thing happen. But I did get a few smses from my friends, later in the morning when they woke up for work. Yeah every ones working now. Thats the big difference.
Plus there was a fact that I hid my Birthdate from my friends on purpose. :) so I dont really mind about the birthday wishes. Each and every one of them is a gift by it self when my friends remembers.

As I was transfering pictures into my laptop, my 5 year old cousin asked me who's birthday was it in those picture. I replied that it was our 7 year old cousin Fikri, hes birthday was last saturday. Then she saw the cake. "Waaa best nyer cake tuh" ..... I took a look at her young face, and said "Do you want a cake? Today's is my birthday!". All of my cousins looked at me in disbeliefe! They rush for my mother. "Maklong! Maklong! betul dok ari nie birthday Abang I?" My mother replied "Haah hari nih lar kenape?". They shouted, "Yay! Abang I nak beli kek!".

So we got the cake, I chose no candles, on the basis that the cake will be filled by siliva if the children tried to blow the candles out. We had a small party that night, a nice one indeed. Filled with my close family and children asking lots of questions. So I asked my cousin how old does she think I am. This one coming from a 5 year old.... almost got me a heart attack. She screamed "100!". My mom also almost had a heart attack as she heard that! "Uish tua nyer kalau camtuh Maklong brape umur?". My cousin paused. She screamed "150!" hehhehehe and we all laughed. Still uneased with the age she gave the both of us, we asked her how old are her parents? She look at her mom and said "Mommys 27 and dad is 28". Which carved a smile on my aunts face :)

Young kids... they are really fun to be with. They light up day.

My sister called that night ;) I was expecting that. I knew she didnt forget my birthday :) Although I was expecting some ones phone call, but then when I checked my email, Yoong did send me a birthday wish on time. She also havent missed a single birthday since we were school kids. Some times there are things you can expect, and some you'll never know what they are.
Like the phone call I got for the job interview, that was totally unexpected. Seems that the best presents arent in material, but more in the spriritual aspects of life. Family, friends, a nature gesture, and luck. What more can a guy ask for?

Okay a ferrari or two would be nice. :p But my red satria would have to do for now.

Happpy Birthday Indra :)

Quarter Life Crisis

Today was sad. Really sad. How sad? I declare a mental breakdown today. Totally. Drop down and stayed down.
Sad that I am doing my masters here. With what little resources that I have, I know id say my thanks later. But for now let me state what I have to say. Here I am today, having to run up a hill ride down trying to jump start this vespa that my brother wanted so badly, under the burning sun.

I did my best. I sat and said. I dont need this!
I dont need this!!!

so very true.
Thats what I feel for so long. Things that takes one day to admit that things are truly wrong in my life. Admit that I cant do anything to change it! Im dead helpless unless god gives his mercy and help me.

I dont need to come here! I dont need to care about this machine! I dont need to redo the program that makes my head dizzy! I dont need more things to remind me that Im doing things for nothing. Nothing ever adds up to logic!

I think Im just pressured coz its less than a month..... and the year is finishing. The only thing that I am proud of is graduating on time. But coming back. That meant nothing, hurts. No one cares bout it. Its not gonna help me find a wife. Its not gonna be any significance when Im going to find a job. And Im putting my self in a disadvantage as I go on my masters without going for PHD.

I need a break. I felt like running away. Maybe because I dont have my clear thoughts is why Im constantly in turmoil.

Honestly yesterday's question about Why am I single? I cant even find a suitable answer to topple the people asking it. Like the lame answer of "dont worry im not gay" or "Because I want to" or "Single is the way of life" all lame to me.... In short im lame.

I have to deal with this for a longer period of time. But for now Im happy I am safe after riding that vespa. I am still in one piece.

I am happy that I am eating better now. Im closer to home. But im years away from building my own home. That like any other things, needs more work.
Life is still a work in progress for me.
Good nite