Second Chance in Life (when Air is taken away from you)

Bout 3 month ago I cough a cough that should have been treated promptly. I took it lightly. Saying time isn't enough, and every one else seems to be of higher priority. Took me about a month until I realized that my cough didn't go away.

I was at a junction to see if I needed further medical help. I chose to go to the nearest government hosp to get treatment.

They promptly check my x-ray and instantly check for TB while treating me with antibiotics. Took about 2 weeks of treatment and at the same time going to work with a mask on my face to shield others. Results showed negative for TB and the coughing stopped during the day.

Until one night I started coughing and had a fever. There the question of going back to the government hosp or to get private medical attention. Its a one hour plus drive alone for me to get medical attention, but it would save my life. I arrived at the hospital's emergency room to quickly get a specialist view of my situation. The recommendation is for me to get warded. I tried to justify that I am ok but the the fact remains, I have been coughing for the longest of time and I have a fever on me.

Luckily I am covered by the insurance company so that didn't bother the doctor to test what needed to be tested. Standard were the X-Ray, phlegm and blood samples. All the things I did for the past 2 weeks at the government hosp in 3 hours. Later they recommended for CT scan, usually to get a better picture if there's any irregularities. Last they needed to put a scope into my lungs which needed me to fast for at least 8 hours before the operation.

Before the operation they gave me antibiotics through the drips. This was quite heavy and my fever continued even after paracetamol was given. Nebulizer help but it made me cough even worse until the point my ribs cant take it any more. To add matter worse the more I cough the heavier the head aches I get.

After the operation theatre things felt well until I was given two things, nebulizer and antibiotics. I start getting fevers and the doctor suggested to cut the nebulizer but it didn't reach the nurses that night. What happened next were a string of events like a sequence of dominoes dropping one after the other.

I start getting chest pains after nebulizer and I took all my meds one after the other, I started to cough very hard until my hands and feet start to feel numb. I had trouble breathing on my right chest and I keep my breathing rhythm but it was hard since I started to have a running nose. In seconds I cant use my nose to breath at all. Trying desperately not to cough anymore, I started to feel the numbness in my fingers grow up until my wrists, from my toes to my ankle. They checked my O2 levels which were showing I have sufficient levels of O2 in my blood. They recommend me to relax as the numbness will subside if I were not so anxious.

My situation was I can't exhale as much as I can inhale. This was the trouble that made me cough. My body desperately tries to release the CO2 in the blood but my lungs are not able to exhume as much leaving most of the CO2 in the muscles that moves the most.

Now when I couldn't breathe, my fingers and toes are numbing to the point that it cramps my fingers, a slight cough caused enough headache to knock me into cramps all through out my body, hearing nothing is wrong is plain out wrong. How could I relax? By this time i've been breathing heavily for over an hour, my heart was pumping heavily and I tried to relax slowly. This made the numbness climb up to my head and almost reaching all over my face. I thought that was it, this could be the end, I'm trying to relax and at the same time I can feel that things were tightening, from my arms and legs to my face. Some how I remembered all the things said before your soul is taken away from your body. The devils will appear in front of you in the form of your past family members, trying desperately to trick you to hang for this world and not the hereafter. Like a voice going through a checklist... I don't see any devils. I say to myself, its not your time yet then, things are going to be ok.

Started to hold my breath. felt numb almost every part of my body.... I asked my brother in law to assist me to the toilet. It took me 20 minutes just to find which nerves I need to control to take a piss..... Talk about the things you take for granted every time you piss.... later my numbness and cramps slowly subsides.... but it left me with the fear that I could have not been so lucky.

For the days that followed, doctor prescribed me another set of antibiotics and checked if they were going to cause me any reaction like what I previously experienced. It also helped that my lungs started to recover and the air volumed showed minor improvements but the situation improved tremendously. On the fourth day I had been discharged and on my way home with a huge bag of medicines for the months to come.

I am grateful that God had given me a second chance. God has shown me the value of the most precious gift.... the air and how fragile we are. We can fail even when we have everything working in place. Family and how they are there when you need them.... doctors and nurses who I cannot even afford to thank them enough for their dedication to their line of duty.

I now ask myself, I could have easily died that night. I was even embracing and waiting for my time.... the fact that God didn't take me away only means that I have not completed my task here just yet. I hope to know which task is that for me exactly.

Im back :)

Took me too long to stay under... I am going to start blogging again... we all made the decisions for the best reasons. Well me I had to make them for the ones I love.

Its been along while since Ive blogged. I guess.... Its time I start for my son's future reference.

"Harimau mati tinggalkan belang, Manusia mati tinggalkan blog".... bwahahahhahah!!!!

happy bday n thank you

Hi fellas ;)

Thank you so much for the birthday wish this year.

I wish this year would be filled with wonderful things to come.

Like I said earlier in my life its now how old is how young you feel ;D

Things are coming and I should be ready ;) i wish all of you a pleasant year ahead and do take good care of your health.

Once again Thank you every one ;)

Tick tick.... Was it that long ago?

Hi guys, hi fellas, Ive not have the time to scratch here for some time. Until that sumthing reminded me how long it has been. My Back is in pain again..... Weeee! This only means I have been pushing myself a little bit too hard. How hard could it get eh? What am I pushing my self so hard to achieve? Last time I had this much back pain, it took me serious time and discipline to get me up and running again. I remember how I got through it, but I forgot how I got into it. So if I recalled last time I had this was because I was pushing to get a journal publish. Well I achieved that, but frankly speaking, not much use has come from such pain staking hardship that I can sit back and say its worth it.....

But maybe not this time. This time its a far modest target, to built a family, it will be worth it. Start on the right foot, even though that my back is breaking today, I know it just means I have to adjust my burden and use effective force and pressure to hold the things I dear most, up high.

High in the sky,
high above my head,
Yet so close to heart,
I am not afraid to do the leg work,
The pay is so worth it.

Sacrifice is never easy,
But they will come some day if not today.
Shy out or keep on going?
Shy out is not my thing.

So bear this pain,
use the force,
Ill long for the day,
When I say,
I am yours....

3 months payslip!

Weee I made it! I have 3 months payslip already!!!! thats one of the requirements to get a loan! oh wait???? I had a vision of not taking any loans ever! hmmm so how to do? I know that the more you loan the more interest you pay.... Oh well I believe in living withing my means. And I intend to follow it.

A Capricorn is not interested in the show of wealth but wealth it self. Hmmmmm

Also there a popular malay saying taught to me from my mom..... "Ade dua jenis orang. Satu yang jadi kaya. Satu yang buat orang Jadi kaya!" hmmmm takle dua dua ker???? or nape kena jadi hanya satu? hehehhehehe

Oh well on the third month...... SPA called me for an interview. This is not something I planned. In short its an unexpected surprise. After talking to the people close to me... it turned out it could be a blessing in disguise. I have yet to see how its gonna be in my favor. But we'll see.

So far Ive checked my name is already expired in the SPA database. Then why the hell did I get this letter???????
Perplexing.... and puzzling! JPA out to HUNT ME?????? Oh hell no!

I think the Government is out to get me! ..... Argh why cant i run like in Japan.... when they police ask you anything in Japanese just answer.... "Watashi wa..... Nihongo wo TABEMASEN".... and they surely let you continue your journey....

Why? it literally translate as ... "I dont eat Japanese!" / "Bahasa saya tak boleh makan".... or the popular saying ... bahasa jepon saya tak boleh cari makan..... errr sumthing like that.... But hey it got me out of trouble more than once! kihkihkihh Artificial Idiot saves the day!

The Big Payoff - Journal of Advance Computational Intelligence and Intelligent Informatics

I have to mark this down as a Milestone achievement.

It may just be one paper. But you'd never know how much of a payoff it is to see it in black and white.

For those of you who are unfamiliar to Journal papers, its the papers which are recognized by specialist in that field. Which will chose from a large group of prospective authors.



I came back last night. Seeing the envelope on my desk. "From Japan" was what I saw. Ah it finally came. I was so eager to open it. But instead I told my mother, Mom this is a tribute for you. With out your moral support Id never be able to accomplish this at all. My mom looked at me and asked "What is it?". "Open it, its a one year struggle in Japan with all of the money that I have ever saved on, to get this work printed in black and white." I replied.

My sister asked me whats so special about this work? I told her that this.... paper was doubted by so many, close to me, undermining me. I sacrifice and focus on the research for one whole year, starved and stayed as long as I could in Japan. Just to get a shot at publishing this work in a journal. To some its not even thinkable. For a few pages of paper, spending thousands. Professors have to at least write papers in conferences and then hope that one of it gets into a journal. And that takes a long time.

But me? I just want one paper to be published. Let it be that I did one thing. But make it count.

The story started when I was back in japan, Feb 2007. I was interested on how machine learning was able to do some thing far more than what was expected of the robot. Did a few simple experiments and got some rough results.

This was quickly undermined by my senior saying its too easy. No one will ever take this and use it for anything, let alone be acknowledge in a Journal.

My boss also shared his negative views every time I wanted to go back after working late at night. See I was working at a convenience store. And they had some unbelievable schedule for me to come to work. I had no time. I wanted to push my research. I had no money to save for my masters but I believe that this work will push me for my masters. I took a gamble. Quit that part time job. As much as I needed the money for my future. I concentrated on research.

My senior pushed me to do several writeup to enforce his papers for an upcoming conference. It was in hong kong. Sure he got the funding to go and present. Coming back he wanted to write a new paper. Asked me if I can help. I did. And at the same time I pushed for my research to be sent also.

The Conference was next year, after graduations. Our lab sent 7 papers, 2 from PHD students, 4 from my senior, 1 from me. surprisingly most of it got accepted. With mine also one of them. I was surprised and happy. But the problem was, Im running out of money. Time was not on my side. I had to pay for my mistakes of not collecting enough money to last me in Japan.

I was force to leave my study only to hear that my paper was selected for presentation in the conference. One I really wanted to go to. But I cant, Im no longer in Japan. Back in Malaysia I sought means to get some funding even going to the goverment and the Universities. They were strict saying that the paper ment nothing. They refuse to fund me.

The conference came and I sat at home... in Malaysia pondering what happens.

My senior went to present his papers and also mine since I cant go there. When he returns he suddenly changed his whole opinion about my work. He was suddenly really interested in this one work. I asked him why?

According to him, The presentation received a huge crowd with interest in knowing more about it. And this has made him change his mind on the work it self. As a result of that conference, my paper got an invitation to the journal.

Today I check the list of papers accepted for the journal. It turns out only my paper was accepted! And not the other papers that my senior wrote :)
Im grateful that I am lucky enough to get a Journal paper with my first work, only paper in the conference and had been invited to the journal. Its by far a very big payoff to remind me that im redeemed for my efforts 2 yeas ago.

Those years were by far the hardest years of my life. And I am grateful that there so many kind characters who helped along the way. I may not be able to name each and every one of them and I hope Allah will bless them by lifting their burdens from their shoulders.

The moral that I learned is that perseverance will make it through! And no matter what people say, do what you believe is right. You will get the big payoff when you least expected it. All I can say is... REVENGE IS SWEET!!! hehehhehehe

http://www.fujipress.jp/JACIII/JACII00130003.html - the website
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAroMA4PUMo&feature=channel_page - the vid

Thank you all for your support ;)

Engagement

Yes my friends, I am here to state that I will be engaged on the 25th of April. About two more weeks and I am really, nervous about it.

I have always been a believer that good things comes to those who wait and Allah have the final say on things. And If Allah does plan things, they turn out like a perfect Orchestra playing a single song in harmony. God All Mighty.

So with the preparations coming and job starting, Im juggling things with my own two hands. And honestly when I have time I dont have money, when I have money I dont have time. They are interrelated and seem its always best to have a balance.

Im thankfull and thats why I believe if I dont plan for things to change. Change will come uninvited. Then we are again force to change. But if we change according to the flow, the force will be in our favor.

I have a Million things to thank for, but I am only one man. So to me Ill rather have THE one to have and to hold, rather than guessing if that some one is THE one.

THE one that I have fallen for is all that I have ever wished for and I couldnt be happier ;)

So to the moon and back, for a chance a life full of meaningful memories together. Thats what Im hoping for.

Till the 25th of April :)