28 years ago: A Tale for my son

28 years ago, my father must have been thrilled as I was when I knew my son was safely delivered.

28 years ago, papa never knew that I'd be a happy dad like he was. So today, I guest I'll be happy to know that even after years and years from now, I hope my son would be ready to take responsibility as my father and his father before him in raising a family.

For all the good things I have learned, I could never have happened as successful as it has been if it wasn't for his wisdom to teach while he was alive, and even years after he had passed away.

Im still learning from my late father, in raising a family , and be happy as a man husband and father.

His greatest fear was seeing his sons and daughters pass away before him, I now understand how much he feared. I too pray that my sons and daughters will survive after me... and I'll do all in my power to ensure they receive the best of things and that they embrace Allah the almighty.

"Do what I say, don't do what i do"- Mohd Zin Arshad.
Happy birthday me!

Revealing the Gaps

I left blogging a while ago. Partly because things I did cant be shared with anyone. Have you ever held something by your self that in the end it took a huge part of you?

That was what happened to me. In the end, I chose to lay low, settle down, and pretend to be nobody.

I switch from a dream job to a 8 to 5:45 desk job. Relocated, gain a wonderful baby boy that cheers up my days. The trade was ideal. But the sacrifice was undeniable.

Career wise I'm gliding through the wind, but personally... apart of me always dreams of the achievements I've could have done with less pay....

But the fact is, I could not ask someone else to sacrifice for me let alone sacrifice with me. Thus sacrifice must be done on one's own accord.

I'll tell the story of my adventure one day... maybe it would be an entertaining story that would inspire others to live their lives the way they want it to be.

Money aint everything. Coz if it is.... I wouldn't have spent a single dime. We trade money for things that we require... it isnt money that we require... its just that most of the things nowadays require money.... I dont have to tell that to any one. But what I can tell you is .... the amount of money we require totally depends on us. And not some one else who says we need a mountain of wealth.

Wealth ain't just about dollars and cents. its also about dignity, love, honesty, culture and knowledge. Most people just dont know the value of these things, thats why they trade it for the lowest price they can get out of it.

I wish to do what Im passionate about while getting paid to do it, one day.... one day... I hope i'll achieve that.

But till that day comes, I shall be helping others gain back part of their lives away from the merciless technology they call IT systems.

happy bday n thank you

Hi fellas ;)

Thank you so much for the birthday wish this year.

I wish this year would be filled with wonderful things to come.

Like I said earlier in my life its now how old is how young you feel ;D

Things are coming and I should be ready ;) i wish all of you a pleasant year ahead and do take good care of your health.

Once again Thank you every one ;)

The Big Payoff - Journal of Advance Computational Intelligence and Intelligent Informatics

I have to mark this down as a Milestone achievement.

It may just be one paper. But you'd never know how much of a payoff it is to see it in black and white.

For those of you who are unfamiliar to Journal papers, its the papers which are recognized by specialist in that field. Which will chose from a large group of prospective authors.



I came back last night. Seeing the envelope on my desk. "From Japan" was what I saw. Ah it finally came. I was so eager to open it. But instead I told my mother, Mom this is a tribute for you. With out your moral support Id never be able to accomplish this at all. My mom looked at me and asked "What is it?". "Open it, its a one year struggle in Japan with all of the money that I have ever saved on, to get this work printed in black and white." I replied.

My sister asked me whats so special about this work? I told her that this.... paper was doubted by so many, close to me, undermining me. I sacrifice and focus on the research for one whole year, starved and stayed as long as I could in Japan. Just to get a shot at publishing this work in a journal. To some its not even thinkable. For a few pages of paper, spending thousands. Professors have to at least write papers in conferences and then hope that one of it gets into a journal. And that takes a long time.

But me? I just want one paper to be published. Let it be that I did one thing. But make it count.

The story started when I was back in japan, Feb 2007. I was interested on how machine learning was able to do some thing far more than what was expected of the robot. Did a few simple experiments and got some rough results.

This was quickly undermined by my senior saying its too easy. No one will ever take this and use it for anything, let alone be acknowledge in a Journal.

My boss also shared his negative views every time I wanted to go back after working late at night. See I was working at a convenience store. And they had some unbelievable schedule for me to come to work. I had no time. I wanted to push my research. I had no money to save for my masters but I believe that this work will push me for my masters. I took a gamble. Quit that part time job. As much as I needed the money for my future. I concentrated on research.

My senior pushed me to do several writeup to enforce his papers for an upcoming conference. It was in hong kong. Sure he got the funding to go and present. Coming back he wanted to write a new paper. Asked me if I can help. I did. And at the same time I pushed for my research to be sent also.

The Conference was next year, after graduations. Our lab sent 7 papers, 2 from PHD students, 4 from my senior, 1 from me. surprisingly most of it got accepted. With mine also one of them. I was surprised and happy. But the problem was, Im running out of money. Time was not on my side. I had to pay for my mistakes of not collecting enough money to last me in Japan.

I was force to leave my study only to hear that my paper was selected for presentation in the conference. One I really wanted to go to. But I cant, Im no longer in Japan. Back in Malaysia I sought means to get some funding even going to the goverment and the Universities. They were strict saying that the paper ment nothing. They refuse to fund me.

The conference came and I sat at home... in Malaysia pondering what happens.

My senior went to present his papers and also mine since I cant go there. When he returns he suddenly changed his whole opinion about my work. He was suddenly really interested in this one work. I asked him why?

According to him, The presentation received a huge crowd with interest in knowing more about it. And this has made him change his mind on the work it self. As a result of that conference, my paper got an invitation to the journal.

Today I check the list of papers accepted for the journal. It turns out only my paper was accepted! And not the other papers that my senior wrote :)
Im grateful that I am lucky enough to get a Journal paper with my first work, only paper in the conference and had been invited to the journal. Its by far a very big payoff to remind me that im redeemed for my efforts 2 yeas ago.

Those years were by far the hardest years of my life. And I am grateful that there so many kind characters who helped along the way. I may not be able to name each and every one of them and I hope Allah will bless them by lifting their burdens from their shoulders.

The moral that I learned is that perseverance will make it through! And no matter what people say, do what you believe is right. You will get the big payoff when you least expected it. All I can say is... REVENGE IS SWEET!!! hehehhehehe

http://www.fujipress.jp/JACIII/JACII00130003.html - the website
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAroMA4PUMo&feature=channel_page - the vid

Thank you all for your support ;)

My life is going to change Phase 3

This whole month, Love is in the air :p n I love it! So what does that have to do with my life changing? Big things are happening and things are "falling into place". Yesterday, the interview wasnt so hopeful, so its okay. I spent the moment after that to value my present with my significant other. So I spent it all, coz Im never sure about the future. Let God decide. Thats what I was doing and thats what Im going to continue doing.

Today I wake up fresh and drank my morning milo, read the newspaper, its been like a whole month of darkness. Drama in politics, the economy and reading the numbers of people who got retrenched. Not knowing how important today's interview is. I got my self ready. The funny thing is.... every day is a brand new day. I slip in the same shoes as I put on yesterday, felt something different in my left shoe... thinking it was my old socks.... I place my hand to grab it out. To my surprise! Its a frog! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww The cold blooded frog was like a slime! i threw the shoe to the ground... washed my hands and look at my watch... I have no time!
Now since I am running out of time.... I have to battle a frog for my shoe! Yeah right *sarcastic* but I manage to get the frog out and soon I see the cats are ready for their meal and frogs were on their menu. Good Luck froggy!

Got my shoe and drove to the interview! hehehe and now I got the job! Wee in this time of uncertain economic situations, I could still get a job. I consider that fortunate. Thank God its a post I wanted.
Syukur.....
And that frog might have been a test to see how I handle unexpected surprises.

My life is going to change, Phase 1

This whole week, So much good fortune has been knocking on my door. Its like some times I dont know which to let in. All I can say is as a host, I would welcome my guess in as long as there is space to spare.

Yesterday, I met my best friend since I was 6 years old. I havent met him in 6 years also. Boy did we had a long time to catch up. He's always been my wing man. No kidding. We were the only two boys on the block and we did everything together. Climb walls, played boomerangs, and fly kites.

He saw the neighborhood change a lot. He even asked who house was up on the hill that block our old playground. Then he asked me ... "remember the time we had to pick up the boomerang at our neighbors house? I didnt get why he talked like he wanted to kill us". I look at him "Well you do know in Australia a boomerang is considered a weapon? Its no surpise he was threated when a boomerang crash his house!". And my typical friend would reply as he always did, "Oh yeah......thats why".

Tomorrow, Ill get a chance to see if I do have what it takes to be an engineer. Work in a Metropolitan place like KL. The Jams, The tolls and worse the heat. I hope I pass the second interview. The place is a nice place to settle down they say. Means its not a gold mine. But I think thats why I wanted to work there in the first place. Money ranks second to self satisfaction.

Now I began to calculate my propabilities on my future for 1 year, 2 years, 5 years and even 10. It seems now, I have to chose where I would live if I do seal the deal. Im trying to triangulate things according to my priority, market availability and future potentials. All I can say is, Im just laying out all the possibilities and looking at Which and whom be the best I invest it for the rest of my life. Work will change, traffic will be the same, money will come and go. But people who are with you, will be with you, and will be most important to you never change.

Ill stick to my beliefe that make things easy for others, and God will make things easy for you.

Good night.

Mark this day... from now on know that the wind will not be in favour.... the waves bigger than ever and my ship may not float forever!

Mark this day... from now on know that the wind will not be in favour.... the waves bigger than ever and my ship may not float forever! But I dare them to come and sink my will!

Today 18th April 2007. Will be a day I shall reset ... reset the hard ship of things to come.

Let me say a journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. Let it be my right foot. For today onwards come the greatest test in my life. For now one I am going on a roller coaster ride where Im at the top and what comes next is a sharp 3 seconds 85 degrees drop... but all the twist and turns the G pullings and sharp drops will be a ride of life... speed is what makes it trough the loops and curves....

Any way I start today, Alone. Single and untied. but when I come out ... Ill have a nation worth of experience. A Nobel prize to bump into ... and A family supporting fully my effort to bring my nation to the eye of the world.... *ecececece Cakap berapi!* but thats a solemn dream that I have... I may not be rich ... nor a genius .. but I sure am capable in showing the world what my country is all about... We are skilled people and we are smart... smart enough to know that even USA is hunting DVD pirates ..hehehhehe but thats beside the point....

Im going to stay in hell for another 2 years after 2008. Yes Yoong im going to continue study here, My lab is a golden opportunity to study and like ive always said .. theres a chance ill stumble a nobel prize... im already in the right field... If i want it so much ... it might even be possible. Bout family? I have a family and they are fully supporting my decision. So who ever who doesn't I don't consider them on my side. All I know is I survived HELL, Ill go through it again and again if I have to. But one thing for sure... I want what I want. And right now I want to continue Masters here in Fukui under Artificial Intelligence.

A lot of thinking has been done.... a lot even more than you have imagined. But one thing for sure... my brother helped me make that decision. By talking to him teaching him all he needs to know ... common knowledge.... I felt some thing thats seems to be just right... I might be nobody, but what Ive learned isn't supposed to be thrown away in my mind... its about.... reaching out and passing the fiery orb ... and hope that along the way some one will pass that orb of light to some one else ... that even after I fade into time... the orb will still have some one holding it and passing it to some one else. Thats a true educators way of passing down knowledge. Maybe Im just born to do it. Maybe I was just born to be a third generation teacher, a second generation of lecturers, and maybe the first in my generation to get a Nobel prize. So much maybes that it might just be true.... a chance upon a chance... But its a chance none the less... Like the wise words of my late father...."If theres a chance it might happen, It will happen! A chance is better than none".

Now I maybe easy today, for the next two years I might see even bigger tidal waves up ahead... a year of no fundings ... and im prepared to sell my car thats no joke. Im prepared to go through hell and come out alive... Smile and say in the end.... "Nothing a man cant do...."

So Come what may! My ship has sailed ... Pirates Incoming, typhoons incoming, Tsunami incoming!..... Like I said the first weeks of AAJ.... "If it cost me my life..... I will not give up with out a fight" coz who the heck dies with out trying?

Words from my sister
"You are Unique and you deserve the best, I am more than happy that you are going to do your masters.... because... You might have made the right decision from the start for picking Artificial Intelligence".

my honest reply:
"The right Choice for the wrong reasons..... those were the words from a Nobel prize winner whom i had the chance to be in a lecture hall with in Nilai College. I may be on the right track from the start".

So lets see ... Im going for a dive... after this its gonna be loops and turns... Hard times to come... but once in my life.... I looking at the tracks of this roller coaster and saying "HOOOOOORAAAAAH!!!!!".

**************************************************
-15/01/09

I say what I mean and I meant what I said .....
It never goes as plan, but keep the spirit going....
Whats sad is Im no longer in Fukui .....

**************************************************

Thank you 2008, Welcome 2009!

Happy new year!

I noticed one thing about 2008, its a perfect Sine cycle in my life, why? I'll tell you why.
If my initial entrance to 2008 was taken as a benchmark, the 0 level, I had my first quarter of the year going really well and waited for my graduation some where in March.

Then things got bumpy, and the graph of achievements went on a downhill curve.

I could see around June I was bailing things out, selling my car, selling all I had for a ticket home to Malaysia, I was back when I was in terms of anticipation and hopes, I lost them all.

The cycle went all the way till September where I learned my work had been accepted for publication, but it was the lowest point of the year knowing that I can't go to the conference.

Things got better as I entered October, with money coming in, friends showing up, and confidence started to build.

At the end of December, I got news my scholarship with MOSTI was approved. Things are looking upward for me this year it seems ;)

Here's a short graph on how it looks :) in 2008

















Any way, wishing everyone a happy new year :)

Time

It's strange how you feel time. To some a minute is sixty seconds. But not every one feels that. We know its just 60 clicks of the watch. Yet we don't watch every second tick away do we? We let those seconds fly. But we don't realize that those flown seconds can never come back. We have lots of seconds wasted in our lifetime. But I don't like to think that a second is wasted. To me a second is invested. How well that second is invested is how good we use it. Thinking for a second, we could do things properly for the next 59 seconds. Hmmm. If thats the rate we could use time. How much of things I could do by thinking for 2 months? Roughly I should have profitted for 118 months? about close to 10 years eh? Thats exactly how much time I was given and how long I try to simulate if my current position is any good. 2 months I have gambled and tried to calculate here and there with and with out my emotions, with and without money and support, all pointing to the same thing, unthinkable.

So what does a man do when its unthinkable? I mean just do. Just jump, hope to god that some one with a parachute will catch up with you as you drop from the plane, or theres some one who is also free falling infront of you, maybe you could catch up. But both are wishful thinking. Reality is if you are gonna jump, be prepared. Theres still a chance for the unexpected.

They say the human organ doesn't die even after the soul has been suck out. Thats true considering if it weren't true, then there could have never been any organ transplant. But I wonder what the brain feels after hitting a wall as it drops from the sky. I don't believe theres any way to die painlesly. If pain is only define by the sensation of the neuron's cells, then the pain should end as the body expires. But given more taught, the pain also has another side which is pain define by emotional sensations. Put that into account we can see that pain of death is either by the sensations of neurons or sensations of emotions. To effectively eliminate both pain for death, the mental state of a person is able to create its own method in surpressing the sensations of neurons. This method is easily describe like some one who is motivated to gain something, so he sacrifices another in the belief that it will be rewarded with some thing greater. But the sensation of emotions can not be surpressed by a sensation from neurons. Or could it? Well thats where mind over matter comes into play. The right neurons are surpressed and the left are being activated. And the pain of loosing or expiring might be overcomed when the mind is ready to accept the conditions.

Oh well time will tell.

Dr-ai saying hello.