Revealing the Gaps

I left blogging a while ago. Partly because things I did cant be shared with anyone. Have you ever held something by your self that in the end it took a huge part of you?

That was what happened to me. In the end, I chose to lay low, settle down, and pretend to be nobody.

I switch from a dream job to a 8 to 5:45 desk job. Relocated, gain a wonderful baby boy that cheers up my days. The trade was ideal. But the sacrifice was undeniable.

Career wise I'm gliding through the wind, but personally... apart of me always dreams of the achievements I've could have done with less pay....

But the fact is, I could not ask someone else to sacrifice for me let alone sacrifice with me. Thus sacrifice must be done on one's own accord.

I'll tell the story of my adventure one day... maybe it would be an entertaining story that would inspire others to live their lives the way they want it to be.

Money aint everything. Coz if it is.... I wouldn't have spent a single dime. We trade money for things that we require... it isnt money that we require... its just that most of the things nowadays require money.... I dont have to tell that to any one. But what I can tell you is .... the amount of money we require totally depends on us. And not some one else who says we need a mountain of wealth.

Wealth ain't just about dollars and cents. its also about dignity, love, honesty, culture and knowledge. Most people just dont know the value of these things, thats why they trade it for the lowest price they can get out of it.

I wish to do what Im passionate about while getting paid to do it, one day.... one day... I hope i'll achieve that.

But till that day comes, I shall be helping others gain back part of their lives away from the merciless technology they call IT systems.

Gut instinct rules!!!!

Last week and a few weeks earlier, Ive been debating with experts in the electronics field.. why? Coz they all have the same degree in Electronics. Sure Im not an expert... but heres a story where my gut feeling told me sumthing was wrong and guess what? It also told me where to fix it!

A week of work made me dream about the problem again and again, giving me stress. I admit any type of work has its own load. But mine was multiplied with 3 seniors engineers who each made the problem seems easy.... but the solutions is far from it.

My debugging skills told me that I did all the stuff correctly. Only a few minor glitches existed. This glitch was corrected only when I pointed the Signal 5 cm from the reciever. its like this....

You ask a friend to read the letters on the wall... A V E T C. your standing 5 meters away from the wall. And so is your friend. Then when he replies A B E T C instead.... you are puzzled! are your eyes wrong? NO... you walk closer and you confirm its a V! I ask my friend to come closer .... he says its B! so this is where you wonder.... Why cant he see its V?

It turns out that.... hes Japanese! they pronounce V as B! a minor error in the way the learn the alphabets from hiragana..... so there i was a week wondering are my eyes wrong or my ears wrong... it turns out the guy had a pronunciation problem! Argh! I didnt know until I made a tool to correct this problem.

My gut instinct pointed to how to correct it. every time he says B its a V! that tool was what my gut instinct told me to do and as we got it and test it.... it works flawlessly..... Proof that my gut knows more than what my mind could comprehend.

So today... im so hungry... whats for lunch???? I can eat a cow!

The Big Payoff - Journal of Advance Computational Intelligence and Intelligent Informatics

I have to mark this down as a Milestone achievement.

It may just be one paper. But you'd never know how much of a payoff it is to see it in black and white.

For those of you who are unfamiliar to Journal papers, its the papers which are recognized by specialist in that field. Which will chose from a large group of prospective authors.



I came back last night. Seeing the envelope on my desk. "From Japan" was what I saw. Ah it finally came. I was so eager to open it. But instead I told my mother, Mom this is a tribute for you. With out your moral support Id never be able to accomplish this at all. My mom looked at me and asked "What is it?". "Open it, its a one year struggle in Japan with all of the money that I have ever saved on, to get this work printed in black and white." I replied.

My sister asked me whats so special about this work? I told her that this.... paper was doubted by so many, close to me, undermining me. I sacrifice and focus on the research for one whole year, starved and stayed as long as I could in Japan. Just to get a shot at publishing this work in a journal. To some its not even thinkable. For a few pages of paper, spending thousands. Professors have to at least write papers in conferences and then hope that one of it gets into a journal. And that takes a long time.

But me? I just want one paper to be published. Let it be that I did one thing. But make it count.

The story started when I was back in japan, Feb 2007. I was interested on how machine learning was able to do some thing far more than what was expected of the robot. Did a few simple experiments and got some rough results.

This was quickly undermined by my senior saying its too easy. No one will ever take this and use it for anything, let alone be acknowledge in a Journal.

My boss also shared his negative views every time I wanted to go back after working late at night. See I was working at a convenience store. And they had some unbelievable schedule for me to come to work. I had no time. I wanted to push my research. I had no money to save for my masters but I believe that this work will push me for my masters. I took a gamble. Quit that part time job. As much as I needed the money for my future. I concentrated on research.

My senior pushed me to do several writeup to enforce his papers for an upcoming conference. It was in hong kong. Sure he got the funding to go and present. Coming back he wanted to write a new paper. Asked me if I can help. I did. And at the same time I pushed for my research to be sent also.

The Conference was next year, after graduations. Our lab sent 7 papers, 2 from PHD students, 4 from my senior, 1 from me. surprisingly most of it got accepted. With mine also one of them. I was surprised and happy. But the problem was, Im running out of money. Time was not on my side. I had to pay for my mistakes of not collecting enough money to last me in Japan.

I was force to leave my study only to hear that my paper was selected for presentation in the conference. One I really wanted to go to. But I cant, Im no longer in Japan. Back in Malaysia I sought means to get some funding even going to the goverment and the Universities. They were strict saying that the paper ment nothing. They refuse to fund me.

The conference came and I sat at home... in Malaysia pondering what happens.

My senior went to present his papers and also mine since I cant go there. When he returns he suddenly changed his whole opinion about my work. He was suddenly really interested in this one work. I asked him why?

According to him, The presentation received a huge crowd with interest in knowing more about it. And this has made him change his mind on the work it self. As a result of that conference, my paper got an invitation to the journal.

Today I check the list of papers accepted for the journal. It turns out only my paper was accepted! And not the other papers that my senior wrote :)
Im grateful that I am lucky enough to get a Journal paper with my first work, only paper in the conference and had been invited to the journal. Its by far a very big payoff to remind me that im redeemed for my efforts 2 yeas ago.

Those years were by far the hardest years of my life. And I am grateful that there so many kind characters who helped along the way. I may not be able to name each and every one of them and I hope Allah will bless them by lifting their burdens from their shoulders.

The moral that I learned is that perseverance will make it through! And no matter what people say, do what you believe is right. You will get the big payoff when you least expected it. All I can say is... REVENGE IS SWEET!!! hehehhehehe

http://www.fujipress.jp/JACIII/JACII00130003.html - the website
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAroMA4PUMo&feature=channel_page - the vid

Thank you all for your support ;)

First day As an Engineer

After some tight interviews and tired of explaining what it is I do best while I was studying, I finally got the confirmation of the post last Friday. I manage to ask them to consider me coming late after lunch, and it turned out my boss was taking a leave anyway. So I wasn't briefed at all what am I going to improve. But I guess thats for tomorrow. How ever I have worked out a propable flow from Kajang to my office. Its hard but I think I can make it :) Discipline is the key. Thats what I believe in.

I hope this time im not gonna sacrifice any thing more than some time. The rest I hope to gain and maintain. Im really2 happy to have her in my life, to have a job, and soon to built my family. Life as we know it is only worth the effort when we are happy. If we are unhappy, its no life. And How do you kill some one that has.... No life?

As a summary for today, I drive one hour to Wangsa Maju and back. At the end of the week, Ill have my sweetheart waiting to see me. Its worth the trouble :) I want the honey to pass the time. And im not lazy to work for it.

Ill see how Ill survive and strive this job.

My life is going to change Phase 3

This whole month, Love is in the air :p n I love it! So what does that have to do with my life changing? Big things are happening and things are "falling into place". Yesterday, the interview wasnt so hopeful, so its okay. I spent the moment after that to value my present with my significant other. So I spent it all, coz Im never sure about the future. Let God decide. Thats what I was doing and thats what Im going to continue doing.

Today I wake up fresh and drank my morning milo, read the newspaper, its been like a whole month of darkness. Drama in politics, the economy and reading the numbers of people who got retrenched. Not knowing how important today's interview is. I got my self ready. The funny thing is.... every day is a brand new day. I slip in the same shoes as I put on yesterday, felt something different in my left shoe... thinking it was my old socks.... I place my hand to grab it out. To my surprise! Its a frog! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww The cold blooded frog was like a slime! i threw the shoe to the ground... washed my hands and look at my watch... I have no time!
Now since I am running out of time.... I have to battle a frog for my shoe! Yeah right *sarcastic* but I manage to get the frog out and soon I see the cats are ready for their meal and frogs were on their menu. Good Luck froggy!

Got my shoe and drove to the interview! hehehe and now I got the job! Wee in this time of uncertain economic situations, I could still get a job. I consider that fortunate. Thank God its a post I wanted.
Syukur.....
And that frog might have been a test to see how I handle unexpected surprises.

My life is going to change, Phase 1

This whole week, So much good fortune has been knocking on my door. Its like some times I dont know which to let in. All I can say is as a host, I would welcome my guess in as long as there is space to spare.

Yesterday, I met my best friend since I was 6 years old. I havent met him in 6 years also. Boy did we had a long time to catch up. He's always been my wing man. No kidding. We were the only two boys on the block and we did everything together. Climb walls, played boomerangs, and fly kites.

He saw the neighborhood change a lot. He even asked who house was up on the hill that block our old playground. Then he asked me ... "remember the time we had to pick up the boomerang at our neighbors house? I didnt get why he talked like he wanted to kill us". I look at him "Well you do know in Australia a boomerang is considered a weapon? Its no surpise he was threated when a boomerang crash his house!". And my typical friend would reply as he always did, "Oh yeah......thats why".

Tomorrow, Ill get a chance to see if I do have what it takes to be an engineer. Work in a Metropolitan place like KL. The Jams, The tolls and worse the heat. I hope I pass the second interview. The place is a nice place to settle down they say. Means its not a gold mine. But I think thats why I wanted to work there in the first place. Money ranks second to self satisfaction.

Now I began to calculate my propabilities on my future for 1 year, 2 years, 5 years and even 10. It seems now, I have to chose where I would live if I do seal the deal. Im trying to triangulate things according to my priority, market availability and future potentials. All I can say is, Im just laying out all the possibilities and looking at Which and whom be the best I invest it for the rest of my life. Work will change, traffic will be the same, money will come and go. But people who are with you, will be with you, and will be most important to you never change.

Ill stick to my beliefe that make things easy for others, and God will make things easy for you.

Good night.

Cikgu Fizik?

A Busy Day?

Bangun early, I didnt even had time to see what was wrong with my mother. Instead, I had to rush to UKM, ridiculous. Stayed there today didn't get much done. But it seems some smart guys thinks this is the best way for them to monitor our progress.

Enough about that. At 5 I went out.

Did some revisions on what to teach. Boy things changed. Last time I did physics was in Bahasa, then Japanese now.... English. Honestly I dont understand half of the words. They are just another way to say some thing we already know.

At 6 im back home. Ate and went back at 8. And the class started.

I was nervous at first... of course. These kids wants what they are paying for. And I was honestly scared I cant deliver. I taught that the sylabus was short, I might finish it in one class instead of 4. Boy was I wrong!

After the class I drove back with a relief that I did a job well done. But tomorrows a brand new day! And what will be there instore for me tomorrow?

Professions I adore

When I was two years old, I wanted to be a pilot. I believe that the guy behind the joystick is the luckiest guy and the best seat to be. For a fighter pilot, he has the nations pride on his back, for a commercial pilot, he has the lives of everyone who is on board on his shoulders. Boy I wanted to be those guys. It is the taught that when things go wrong, your the one people rely on. The so called hero scenario that I thrilled to achieve, was a childhood fantasy.

I never became a pilot, yet I have flown several times behind the joystick. I fly for the thrill of flight and how a man can have wings and look down from above. Those short few flights taught me that to put me up there, there were armies of people checking and keeping me safe down on earth. It made me wonder, what is the actual cost to be on top?

As an engineering student, I learned that there is another batch of people that I can never comprehend and stand toe to toe. Its not the fact that they are smarter, its the fact that they are far more braver in my book. They are the people who are actually saving lives, the doctors, the experts. I could never be in their shoes. I have a thing called perceptual pain. Because my imagination is so detailed, I am able to feel the pain of things just but looking at an image. Also I am scared of blood, thus I can never stand in the sight of it. This has made me look up to people who do become doctors. Opening up cadavers and memorizing all the terms in medical journals and those sorts.

Doctors spent a lot of time and money to get certified, and in the end their work require them to be available around the clock, and to me holding a doctor back from their duty is never an option. Most male doctors have the option of trophy wives, but I am also sorry to see the female doctors, who are the best of the society, rarely have a large option of whom they could find a suitable partner. I could understand why most stay single in this age, I can see why most would opt to marry fellow doctors, or even collage sweethearts. But I for sure know, asking a female doctor to not practice her medicine, would do nothing but damage to the society. Doctors spent loads of time and money, they would by default want to earn their hard work and contribute in helping save lives. I think its really honorable to be a doctor who does that. But it might come with a price. I wonder who gets all what they want.

Don't take me wrong, I think highly of doctors, but to me, they have chosen a path that requires people close to them to also share the burden and the hardship that they go through every day of their lives. And what is more courageous than saving another life? It takes some one really strong and understanding to be married to a doctor. That's what I think.