Quarter Life Crisis

Today was sad. Really sad. How sad? I declare a mental breakdown today. Totally. Drop down and stayed down.
Sad that I am doing my masters here. With what little resources that I have, I know id say my thanks later. But for now let me state what I have to say. Here I am today, having to run up a hill ride down trying to jump start this vespa that my brother wanted so badly, under the burning sun.

I did my best. I sat and said. I dont need this!
I dont need this!!!

so very true.
Thats what I feel for so long. Things that takes one day to admit that things are truly wrong in my life. Admit that I cant do anything to change it! Im dead helpless unless god gives his mercy and help me.

I dont need to come here! I dont need to care about this machine! I dont need to redo the program that makes my head dizzy! I dont need more things to remind me that Im doing things for nothing. Nothing ever adds up to logic!

I think Im just pressured coz its less than a month..... and the year is finishing. The only thing that I am proud of is graduating on time. But coming back. That meant nothing, hurts. No one cares bout it. Its not gonna help me find a wife. Its not gonna be any significance when Im going to find a job. And Im putting my self in a disadvantage as I go on my masters without going for PHD.

I need a break. I felt like running away. Maybe because I dont have my clear thoughts is why Im constantly in turmoil.

Honestly yesterday's question about Why am I single? I cant even find a suitable answer to topple the people asking it. Like the lame answer of "dont worry im not gay" or "Because I want to" or "Single is the way of life" all lame to me.... In short im lame.

I have to deal with this for a longer period of time. But for now Im happy I am safe after riding that vespa. I am still in one piece.

I am happy that I am eating better now. Im closer to home. But im years away from building my own home. That like any other things, needs more work.
Life is still a work in progress for me.
Good nite