Thank you 2008, Welcome 2009!

Happy new year!

I noticed one thing about 2008, its a perfect Sine cycle in my life, why? I'll tell you why.
If my initial entrance to 2008 was taken as a benchmark, the 0 level, I had my first quarter of the year going really well and waited for my graduation some where in March.

Then things got bumpy, and the graph of achievements went on a downhill curve.

I could see around June I was bailing things out, selling my car, selling all I had for a ticket home to Malaysia, I was back when I was in terms of anticipation and hopes, I lost them all.

The cycle went all the way till September where I learned my work had been accepted for publication, but it was the lowest point of the year knowing that I can't go to the conference.

Things got better as I entered October, with money coming in, friends showing up, and confidence started to build.

At the end of December, I got news my scholarship with MOSTI was approved. Things are looking upward for me this year it seems ;)

Here's a short graph on how it looks :) in 2008

















Any way, wishing everyone a happy new year :)

How quick A year has been....

Why is December cold? Im not in Japan no more. For the past 4 Decembers I ve had to endure the coldness of winter. But this year, December remains cold. Last year bout right now, I can remember I had a heart filled with anticipation to expect the best of a year. How quickly did that turn into a roller coaster ride. Yet I dont think I have reach bottom.

Ill post you my blog 2 decembers ago....

DATE: 12/28/2006 03:00:30 PM ----- BODY:

Dear Future Indra

Hello Future Indra,

Hello Past Indra,

When you are reading this I hope that your sleeping better now, not like how you can't sleep at nights before.

Thankyou and yes I am sleeping better now thanks to the part time job.

I hope you have found a way to wake up in the morning even though you didn't sleep a solid 8 hours.

Its funny how I can now sleep for 3 hours and wake up to do the Job and sleep another 4 hours and attend class.

Did you remember how hard it was for you to get where you are? And those who have been there for you when your down? I hope you are still in contact with your friends no matter how long they have kept silence from you Indra. Its always good to be the first one to say hello, and giving out a smile.

I smile more now, I hope I still do in the future, its been hard to get here. And I know hard times are coming soon, but I still hope to keep smiling.

If there is one thing I know about you is you have a way to gain trust from people and I hope you haven't missed used that trust.

I sure hope i didnt misused any of those.

I hope that you have found some thing fun in the things you do now. Unlike before where you were always complaning about the small things. I know you can see the good side of things and no doubt the good side of you will be there to do whats right.

I do have fun nowadays. And i guess that I have to repay what Ive used. I have no regret or worries about paying for what Ive done. And Im glad im being paid for the trouble of waking up early morning. Every day sending the newspaper has been a personal joy ride, I take it as if I am in a spaceship and sending important things to key destinations on time. Gives me the space to think about things too as i do my work.

The mistakes that I have done shouldnt be repeated by you. Learn from it and move on. When I wrote this I was searching for an easy life, easier than what I have now, I hope you have found it.

Im far from an easy life Indra, but just maybe it will be around the corner soon.

I hope you have found a suitable partner to share you success and when you do, you dont have to return to be like me again.

At this moment I dont have any yet... Im working on it. And im being cautious now more then ever. I shall not make the same mistakes but im never far from making new ones either. Thats just life.

I hope your proposal dinner has gone perfectly as I would have hoped for. I hope you took a picture of your graduation wearing your 'Baju Melayu'.

I know I shall, but it seems im gonna be late for both of those events. I do look forward to them in the future. I really do keep them deep in my heart, One for me one for my family. I tend to do that for my self.

While your reading this remember the joy and laughter and all the jokes that you have heard from your late father and know no matter how big the problem is you know its a joke to you, so dont take it too hard on your self.

Do me a favour and eat properly, clean and take care of your self, and dont get mad over spiled milk.

I do eat better than before now, esp since i need the energy to run here and there for work. At least I'll say im not just infront of my PC all day. Its a good excersise for me too.

Life is meaning less with out a purpose and your purpose is suppose to be some thing thats about you and at the same time its not selfish.

I agree. Thats why I bought that car. Its solely about me.... I know thats selfish, but You just cant seperate both things.

Dont make your happiness requiers some one's else's happiness, I fear that if you do that you cant let go of the memories that you have attained with them. Revenge is never a purpose, dont let it consume you as how it has consumed me.

Thing is revenge is still running deep in me.... I think i can still keep it down there.... and not bother with it. I dont know however when it will erupt again.

Some of the people that you have met might not be there with you now. But know this their memories, faces, words and laughter will never fade from your memory.

Finally I hope you have gained what I have not long ago. And those stuff that you have gained should not be a burden to you.

That MR2 will be a burden, but some how since i really wanted it any way I think differently now, as if a reason is there to fight.... and fight to keep what I have.... a will for instance. A burden that I can take.

May you lead your life knowing you have done the best that you can and how you've got there was how mercy full God (Allah) has been towards you. There's so much that I hope you've achived Indra, but those that you didn't its OK to let them go, It might not be the time yet and time is all about waiting. Till the time comes, I wish you all the best in life.

I shall keep on going to get my degree... I'll work smarter this time and harder. The degree is what im here for.... I shall not fail myself.

God speed,

Past Indra (22/6/06)

-Present Indra (end of the year 29/12/2006)

I read back all the post that ive posted all through the year. I saw my ups and downs, I saw how ive changed.... I saw how unsorted my life was. And how Kak Dee ment that "dont be Jiwang Indra".... *grr* that burns my back..... there is truth... but then just saying dont be some thing with out saying what I should be wont be helping me as much.

Anyway a whole year has shown me that what i fear is now a reality and now I have to take it.... and keep on going... what I dont have like some one to hug... yes hug...of the opposite sex.... coz to hug a guy ... well thats just gay.... anyway back to my point.... alot of questions needs answering but it shall be done one by one not all at once.

This year was filled with things to do... which was needed... by the end of the year I was doing things that I wanted to do. Which I am really greatfull of. Snowboarding.... watching the stars every time I get a clear night sky while sending the news paper.... feel the cool drive in my dream car MR2 ... the car that people say they will never sell it.... oh yeah that is how i feel about the car... its a keeper..... and well the passenget seat may not be booked but until god reveals who she is .... I'll just wait and see.

What ever it is... its the end of the year. A new year is coming. I dont think its gonna be the same next year. Coz it ended the time I bought the car...period. So I need to toughen up... and "LOCK AND LOAD!"

Happy New year.... :)

Above was what I wrote years ago....

oh wow.....
so much have changed.
my ups in 2008:

I hope you took a picture of your graduation wearing your 'Baju Melayu'.

I know I shall, but it seems im gonna be late for both of those events. I do look forward to them in the future. I really do keep them deep in my heart, One for me one for my family. I tend to do that for my self

I achieve that on time :)

My downs?

I SOLD THAT CAR :((

oh well, shows how things make you grow up. grow old. grow a mustache or even grow bored.

oh what will 2009 be like?

This is Indra under fire (2:50 27th Dec 2008)

Toll Prices cut down by 10% after 12? Why not 100%?

I like many others of commuters to KL from Kajang have to pay at least one toll fare for going to KL. Little do we know how much a small amount of money can add up to a month. Just RM 1.80 a day for a month going and coming back would add up to 1.80 x 2 x 20 (days considering you arent going to KL on the weekends) RM 72 ringgit. Sure its not big. But reality check! thats minimum guys... not to say how much you spent for fuel. Actually thanks to the market now fuel is far cheaper but hey when it was expensive, EVERY one didn't want to drive.

So the question in my mind last night, is there no way for me to go back to Kajang from Bandar Utama with out paying any toll?

A quest for being cheap! Turned out to be a fun game! Why? Save money, release the burden of the mind block of driving in KL, you need to pay the tolls no matter where your going!

Last week when my Aunt drove me back she could effectively pay only RM 1.30. Which was already saving RM0.50 from what I was used to paying. The time she took was only 5 minutes more. That means that an average of 10 cents in exchange for a minute! If you look at the fuel, 10 cents is about 500 meters of distance. Is that true? Wait lemme see, 1 liter is roughtly 10 km worth of mileage. If your driving my not so effecient car, Honda cars goes as far as 14 km per liter. So take the average sport cars no matter what the engine size, its easily calculated by 1 liter equals to an average of 10 km mileage. So that means we are paying (as to date RM1.80 per Liter) a little bit more than 0.5 km mileage of fuel. Yerm small maybe. Definately 50 cents aint worth the 4 km extra mile from the usual route.

But then it made me think of ways to beat the Highway. I mean we use highways to save time. So how much are we paying actually to save time? So if we were paying more on gasoline to get to the same destination. The time it takes to get there can be calculated in dollars and cents.

Since it was late at night, I realize that the roads were empty. Why would I want to waste money paying the high way if I dont need to beat a traffic jam? So there I was beating to the roads of KL finding and thinking way in advance to dodge all the tolls that I had to go through. And surprisingly I made it using the route through Sri Kembangan, totally bypassing the Seremban Highway and made it all he way to Kajang with 16 traffic lights, most of the cars were off the roads, and almost two lanes all the way, And I took an extra 5 minutes from the toll route. Did I travel more distance? Yeah for sure. Did I dodge the tolls? Hell yeah! a total of 2.80 actually, enough to cover 10 km worth of detour.

What I found out last night was, If i was going to come back home after midnight. I dont have to pay the toll at all. Theres no need for Highways! Roads are not congested at all! sure it takes a few more minutes but saving half the cost of the trip to KL would mean I can go to KL again at 50% cost next time! Although Saving is only true if I was driving at night say after 10pm but it sure is better than before.

Because before I taught it wasn't even possible to travel to KL with out paying tolls. The fact that the highways gives a 10% discounts is surely something to reflect about how we actually need to go through them at night in the first place.

For now, Good Driving all.
Indra

Quarter Life Crisis

Today was sad. Really sad. How sad? I declare a mental breakdown today. Totally. Drop down and stayed down.
Sad that I am doing my masters here. With what little resources that I have, I know id say my thanks later. But for now let me state what I have to say. Here I am today, having to run up a hill ride down trying to jump start this vespa that my brother wanted so badly, under the burning sun.

I did my best. I sat and said. I dont need this!
I dont need this!!!

so very true.
Thats what I feel for so long. Things that takes one day to admit that things are truly wrong in my life. Admit that I cant do anything to change it! Im dead helpless unless god gives his mercy and help me.

I dont need to come here! I dont need to care about this machine! I dont need to redo the program that makes my head dizzy! I dont need more things to remind me that Im doing things for nothing. Nothing ever adds up to logic!

I think Im just pressured coz its less than a month..... and the year is finishing. The only thing that I am proud of is graduating on time. But coming back. That meant nothing, hurts. No one cares bout it. Its not gonna help me find a wife. Its not gonna be any significance when Im going to find a job. And Im putting my self in a disadvantage as I go on my masters without going for PHD.

I need a break. I felt like running away. Maybe because I dont have my clear thoughts is why Im constantly in turmoil.

Honestly yesterday's question about Why am I single? I cant even find a suitable answer to topple the people asking it. Like the lame answer of "dont worry im not gay" or "Because I want to" or "Single is the way of life" all lame to me.... In short im lame.

I have to deal with this for a longer period of time. But for now Im happy I am safe after riding that vespa. I am still in one piece.

I am happy that I am eating better now. Im closer to home. But im years away from building my own home. That like any other things, needs more work.
Life is still a work in progress for me.
Good nite