How quick A year has been....

Why is December cold? Im not in Japan no more. For the past 4 Decembers I ve had to endure the coldness of winter. But this year, December remains cold. Last year bout right now, I can remember I had a heart filled with anticipation to expect the best of a year. How quickly did that turn into a roller coaster ride. Yet I dont think I have reach bottom.

Ill post you my blog 2 decembers ago....

DATE: 12/28/2006 03:00:30 PM ----- BODY:

Dear Future Indra

Hello Future Indra,

Hello Past Indra,

When you are reading this I hope that your sleeping better now, not like how you can't sleep at nights before.

Thankyou and yes I am sleeping better now thanks to the part time job.

I hope you have found a way to wake up in the morning even though you didn't sleep a solid 8 hours.

Its funny how I can now sleep for 3 hours and wake up to do the Job and sleep another 4 hours and attend class.

Did you remember how hard it was for you to get where you are? And those who have been there for you when your down? I hope you are still in contact with your friends no matter how long they have kept silence from you Indra. Its always good to be the first one to say hello, and giving out a smile.

I smile more now, I hope I still do in the future, its been hard to get here. And I know hard times are coming soon, but I still hope to keep smiling.

If there is one thing I know about you is you have a way to gain trust from people and I hope you haven't missed used that trust.

I sure hope i didnt misused any of those.

I hope that you have found some thing fun in the things you do now. Unlike before where you were always complaning about the small things. I know you can see the good side of things and no doubt the good side of you will be there to do whats right.

I do have fun nowadays. And i guess that I have to repay what Ive used. I have no regret or worries about paying for what Ive done. And Im glad im being paid for the trouble of waking up early morning. Every day sending the newspaper has been a personal joy ride, I take it as if I am in a spaceship and sending important things to key destinations on time. Gives me the space to think about things too as i do my work.

The mistakes that I have done shouldnt be repeated by you. Learn from it and move on. When I wrote this I was searching for an easy life, easier than what I have now, I hope you have found it.

Im far from an easy life Indra, but just maybe it will be around the corner soon.

I hope you have found a suitable partner to share you success and when you do, you dont have to return to be like me again.

At this moment I dont have any yet... Im working on it. And im being cautious now more then ever. I shall not make the same mistakes but im never far from making new ones either. Thats just life.

I hope your proposal dinner has gone perfectly as I would have hoped for. I hope you took a picture of your graduation wearing your 'Baju Melayu'.

I know I shall, but it seems im gonna be late for both of those events. I do look forward to them in the future. I really do keep them deep in my heart, One for me one for my family. I tend to do that for my self.

While your reading this remember the joy and laughter and all the jokes that you have heard from your late father and know no matter how big the problem is you know its a joke to you, so dont take it too hard on your self.

Do me a favour and eat properly, clean and take care of your self, and dont get mad over spiled milk.

I do eat better than before now, esp since i need the energy to run here and there for work. At least I'll say im not just infront of my PC all day. Its a good excersise for me too.

Life is meaning less with out a purpose and your purpose is suppose to be some thing thats about you and at the same time its not selfish.

I agree. Thats why I bought that car. Its solely about me.... I know thats selfish, but You just cant seperate both things.

Dont make your happiness requiers some one's else's happiness, I fear that if you do that you cant let go of the memories that you have attained with them. Revenge is never a purpose, dont let it consume you as how it has consumed me.

Thing is revenge is still running deep in me.... I think i can still keep it down there.... and not bother with it. I dont know however when it will erupt again.

Some of the people that you have met might not be there with you now. But know this their memories, faces, words and laughter will never fade from your memory.

Finally I hope you have gained what I have not long ago. And those stuff that you have gained should not be a burden to you.

That MR2 will be a burden, but some how since i really wanted it any way I think differently now, as if a reason is there to fight.... and fight to keep what I have.... a will for instance. A burden that I can take.

May you lead your life knowing you have done the best that you can and how you've got there was how mercy full God (Allah) has been towards you. There's so much that I hope you've achived Indra, but those that you didn't its OK to let them go, It might not be the time yet and time is all about waiting. Till the time comes, I wish you all the best in life.

I shall keep on going to get my degree... I'll work smarter this time and harder. The degree is what im here for.... I shall not fail myself.

God speed,

Past Indra (22/6/06)

-Present Indra (end of the year 29/12/2006)

I read back all the post that ive posted all through the year. I saw my ups and downs, I saw how ive changed.... I saw how unsorted my life was. And how Kak Dee ment that "dont be Jiwang Indra".... *grr* that burns my back..... there is truth... but then just saying dont be some thing with out saying what I should be wont be helping me as much.

Anyway a whole year has shown me that what i fear is now a reality and now I have to take it.... and keep on going... what I dont have like some one to hug... yes hug...of the opposite sex.... coz to hug a guy ... well thats just gay.... anyway back to my point.... alot of questions needs answering but it shall be done one by one not all at once.

This year was filled with things to do... which was needed... by the end of the year I was doing things that I wanted to do. Which I am really greatfull of. Snowboarding.... watching the stars every time I get a clear night sky while sending the news paper.... feel the cool drive in my dream car MR2 ... the car that people say they will never sell it.... oh yeah that is how i feel about the car... its a keeper..... and well the passenget seat may not be booked but until god reveals who she is .... I'll just wait and see.

What ever it is... its the end of the year. A new year is coming. I dont think its gonna be the same next year. Coz it ended the time I bought the car...period. So I need to toughen up... and "LOCK AND LOAD!"

Happy New year.... :)

Above was what I wrote years ago....

oh wow.....
so much have changed.
my ups in 2008:

I hope you took a picture of your graduation wearing your 'Baju Melayu'.

I know I shall, but it seems im gonna be late for both of those events. I do look forward to them in the future. I really do keep them deep in my heart, One for me one for my family. I tend to do that for my self

I achieve that on time :)

My downs?

I SOLD THAT CAR :((

oh well, shows how things make you grow up. grow old. grow a mustache or even grow bored.

oh what will 2009 be like?

This is Indra under fire (2:50 27th Dec 2008)