Reread, Rethink
01/16/2007 posted then.
Im at a junction in my career as a student.... where I see the teacher and friends whom Ive had the pleasure of fighting by thier side as an equal even though Im an alien amongst them. The only one who's not from this land of the rising sun. And to day it was as if that lecture hall, filled by 100 students which I have never seen gathered in a year, come and stands in a line.
This is when and where in movies that you see a a line of people take a step forward.... but this wasnt a movie.... I didnt step forward. Instead I saw all my friends step forward. This is where I separate from my friends, they have helped me come this far, I have help them pass this line. But I cant pass it with them today. Maybe a year from now alone I shall pass this line. The same halls where the lecturer said that 1 out of each 5 of you wont make it pass the line. I counted my friends in my group 5. So yeah seems that one was destined not to advance.
So this is how it feels to be behind? I see. Ive never felt it before. As a matter of fact ive never tasted 0% in any paper since ive been going to school. But here In Japan, 0% was always a likely possibility.
Its just hard for me to accept. Accept that I cant pass because of one single paper. One paper out of 74 papers that ive taken holds my sholders from letting me make the step. Whats worst, only god knows that Ive tried my best and when best just isnt enough, you know thats a telegram from god him self.
Its now all alone from now on. No more friends to help me. but then again I was always alone doing stuff and making sense of things so that I learn and go back with some thing. Not just a degree but a new set of thinking was what I was searching for. And to some they say Holding back a year means I have all the time in the world. But It worries me that I might get carried away with things and miss another chance at making the paper the next time around.
But you know what. All though I might have lost this battle today, the war is far from over. If I have to fight for what I want, I will fight for it. If there is a will there is a way. Tomorrow ramdomness maybe my advantage coz nothing has been writen yet. I will make that mark or I shall die trying.
Im at a junction in my career as a student.... where I see the teacher and friends whom Ive had the pleasure of fighting by thier side as an equal even though Im an alien amongst them. The only one who's not from this land of the rising sun. And to day it was as if that lecture hall, filled by 100 students which I have never seen gathered in a year, come and stands in a line.
This is when and where in movies that you see a a line of people take a step forward.... but this wasnt a movie.... I didnt step forward. Instead I saw all my friends step forward. This is where I separate from my friends, they have helped me come this far, I have help them pass this line. But I cant pass it with them today. Maybe a year from now alone I shall pass this line. The same halls where the lecturer said that 1 out of each 5 of you wont make it pass the line. I counted my friends in my group 5. So yeah seems that one was destined not to advance.
So this is how it feels to be behind? I see. Ive never felt it before. As a matter of fact ive never tasted 0% in any paper since ive been going to school. But here In Japan, 0% was always a likely possibility.
Its just hard for me to accept. Accept that I cant pass because of one single paper. One paper out of 74 papers that ive taken holds my sholders from letting me make the step. Whats worst, only god knows that Ive tried my best and when best just isnt enough, you know thats a telegram from god him self.
Its now all alone from now on. No more friends to help me. but then again I was always alone doing stuff and making sense of things so that I learn and go back with some thing. Not just a degree but a new set of thinking was what I was searching for. And to some they say Holding back a year means I have all the time in the world. But It worries me that I might get carried away with things and miss another chance at making the paper the next time around.
But you know what. All though I might have lost this battle today, the war is far from over. If I have to fight for what I want, I will fight for it. If there is a will there is a way. Tomorrow ramdomness maybe my advantage coz nothing has been writen yet. I will make that mark or I shall die trying.
Labels: Old blog
posted by Dr-ai @ 8:26 PM
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